


find me in a kinder world

by jaylove



Series: coming home at last [2]
Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, am i taking extreme liberty with some aspects of this? yes, as in, i chuck like 70 to 75 percent of canon out a window immediately, i wrote all of this after getting like four hours of sleep so if it's bad that's why, i wrote smth that showed them cute and almost happy so now it needs to be Destroyed, this is basically a continuation of the scenery outside the window, whoo boy, will i be stopped? probably
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-09-16 10:18:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16952166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaylove/pseuds/jaylove
Summary: a different take on Alma Karma's awakening, Allen's descent into the Noah transformation, and the Noah Clan's feelings regarding both Allen and the 14th[ "Any exorcists - " The call comes through both golems, scratchy and distorted. Their small party immediately freezes. Stuck in the cave's faint lighting, Allen searches a set of eyes out, and they meet with companion tension. "Any exorcists available - report to North American Branch - " static mumbling breaks off part of the message, " -splosion, possible casualties, - out of control - " The line gives a last, resounding shudder, then shuts off entirely. Timcanpy begins a frantic circling of its master's head. ]





	find me in a kinder world

**Author's Note:**

> if it looks dauntingly long, it's really just bc it's in four combined sections
> 
> also, again, i stop complying with canon basically immediately

" _Any exorcists -_  " The call comes through both golems, scratchy and distorted. Their small party immediately freezes. Stuck in the cave's faint lighting, Allen searches a set of eyes out, and they meet with companion tension. " _Any exorcists available - report to North American Branch - "_ static mumbling breaks off part of the message, " _-splosion, possible casualties, - out of control - "_ The line gives a last, resounding shudder, then shuts off entirely. Timcanpy begins a frantic circling of its master's head.  
  
Allen's hand tightens over his wrist. The silence is nearly suffocating between them. His mind and heart race in equal measure, trying to fit together the pieces they'd been able to catch.  
  
Link speaks into the thick air first. "I can't send you there alone," he's stern, allowing a single step toward his charge, lips a tight line. Dirt and dust stain the blond's skin. There's still a blade clutched in his far hand, a remnant of the battle they'd just finished. His braid has practically disassembled itself, light stands of hair floating angelically around his face.   
  
"I need you here to finish the mission," Allen's response is a mumble tinged with faint annoyance. He doesn't look at the inspector.  
  
"It's against the rules for you to use the Ark without authorization - "  
  
"Did  _that_ not sound enough like authorization to you?" Silver eyes do briefly flicker to the left, words clipped and, now, truly angered.  
  
" - much less without someone to monitor you," Link is continuing as if he were never interrupted in the first place.  
  
Tokusa heaves a dramatic sigh, cutting into the brewing fight without a moment to spare. Forcefully, consciously, both Link and Allen relax their clenched fists. "For Christ's  _sake_  - " His eyes land on Tevak a split second before the girl can interrupt, likely with a comment about blasphemy. (She sighs boredly, turning her head away from the conversation again, eyes trailing after their spare golem.) "I'll go with Walker. The rest of you can finish the d- " Madarao's eyes narrow, Tokusa clears his throat nervously, " - uh, can finish the mission. It's probably just some invention gotten out of hand." A lazy, cat-like smirk spreads across the Third Exorcist's face. Allen's hands turn to fists again.   
  
The inspector hesitates a moment at the suggestion, unable to catch his charge's eyes. "They'll probably send a gate for us soon ... " It's neither concession nor argument. His stance is just off kilter, balancing precariously between the options before him. He looks to Madarao, then to Tevak, struggling to read either's thoughts.   
  
Shoving off from the stone wall harshly, Allen steadies his gaze somewhere between the others. "It's settled then. You can join us when the Order sends a gate." He begins opening a stark white doorway, barely blinking at the effort, though his teeth are on edge. The boy's jaw hasn't relaxed since before they set out. His body sways slightly without a solid support behind him, in clear need of rest. "I'm not waiting," Allen's head turns back in Link's direction, though his eyes fix on a point above the inspector's head. Link wrestles with the decision a few moments longer. Then, following the defeated nod, Allen and Tokusa leap through.  
  
"Tokusa knows what he's doing," Madarao offers the reassurance blandly. His sister touches their old friend's arm as they continue ahead.  
  
Link sucks a slow breath past his teeth, wrenching his gaze away from where the gate once stood. "Does he?"  
 

* * *

  
(" _And now you know the full story," Wisely's voice taunts, as the visions - Kanda and Alma's memories - reach their close._ )  
  
Allen comes back to the present day with a sharp gasp, vision blurring as his gaze darts around wildly. It's more of a mess than when he last saw it. The scientists are still grouped as well as they can, though the seals protecting them have long since burned away. The Earl and Noah hover above the mangled battlefield - if Allen allowed himself, he might describe their expressions as thoughtful, perhaps even melancholic. The white-haired one meets his eyes, and the amber seems to flicker with some human emotion. Road, still in doll form, has resumed a perch among her family. Tokusa is still a shade of before, consumed and suffering from the Akuma cells and rage.  
  
_But where -_  
  
Feeling a breath of wind, Allen instinctively ducks and rolls. Kanda streaks past at inhuman speed; another blast from Alma Karma collides with where Allen had been standing just seconds before. The young exorcist sighs to himself.  
  
_Found them._  
  
His left eye focuses on Alma again, the chained soul becoming visible behind the Second. It's strange, seeing one so clear, all definition still remaining. The souls on regular Akuma were always unrecognizable. He didn't really prefer it this way. His lips curl back, anger swirling deep in the pit of his stomach. How had the Order really strayed  _this_  far from the light? How had the hubris remained so great, they managed to  _accidentally awaken_ the monster they'd carved out of an innocent child?  
  
"Walker!" Lvellie's voice rises like a sneer, and the exorcist turns, sour and expectant. "Your orders are to neutralize the Akuma threat,  _now_!"  
  
Allen tilts his head back to consider the Noah. Tyki and the other unfamiliar one -  _Sheryl?_  - both smile and wave. He sighs again.  
  
Allen looks pointedly at Alma. The two, still perfectly even in their fighting, seem to have absolutely forgotten him. He scoffs.

Allen has a little more pity when he considers Tokusa, another unwitting victim in this. It's hard to look long.  
  
"Yeah," he calls back, tone rough, summoning his Innocence, "I'm not doing that. Shut up." There's some blustering that he mostly misses, already taking off to try and separate the Second Exorcists. (If he can calm Alma down, then maybe,  _just maybe -_ ) A few of the nearby scientists snicker at Lvellie's obvious offense. They're quickly silenced by threats of demotions.   
 

* * *

  
He nearly passes out from the initial burst of pain alone, which is a feat unto itself. The world seems like it's shaking, things temporarily duplicating before his eyes before everything clears again. The steel grey blade is pressed into his body almost to the hilt. Then, suddenly, it's gone, Kanda stumbling away with an expression of horrified clarity. Allen watches the thick red blood leaving him, presses a shaking hand to the wound as if checking to make sure it's really there.  
  
He's pretty sure he screams sometime in the next few heartbeats. Everything goes dark for a second or two, till he finds himself all but face-down on the hard ground. The pain is intense enough to blur his vision. Any sound he manages to process is muffled, almost strangled, warring with the blood rushing through his ears. It's the worst headache of his life, incomparable even to the screech of a Level 4; it's the most radiating pain he's ever felt, burning like hellfire, spreading from the wound across all of his torso. Road had once described the Noah transformation as being  _unbearably_ painful -  
  
When Allen manages to, tremors running through him, lift onto his elbows, to glance down at what he's sure must be filled with poison, just to find gray beginning to spread beneath dark red blood - that's when he finally understands just what she meant.  
  
His eyes lift, unable to focus at the people and things around him, faintly able to wonder why they seem to keep their distance. Are they too scared of him? Are they disgusted by what they're witnessing? Or is everyone -  _dead_  - bodies lying in twisted shapes, rocks covered and made slick - mouths slack - did he  _miss_ them all dying -  _always -_  
  
A new sensation finds him through the fog of anguish and agony. It's faint at first, then snaps into strength like an acorn falling from a tree. Presence, reaching back to him, hearts joining with his. The exorcist's -  _the Noah's?_  - vision stabilizes briefly. Long enough to see Tevak and Tokusa revert to their normal forms, both stumbling and looking mere moments from collapsing. Another, softer presence tickles at the back of his mind, calming from rage to a state of growing guilt. He tilts his head, spotting Alma watching worriedly from a few feet away. Then he feels himself drop to the ground as gray and black engulf his vision again.  
  
Allen opens his eyes.  
  
He doesn't feel as though he's seeing through his own.   
  
It's like splinters, fractures of different viewpoints. There's a flash across one and he focuses; Lenalee, bloody and bruised, her weight mostly on one leg, calling out in relief, confusion, and nervousness all at the same time. Then another clicks, like glass sliding in a kaleidoscope; Krory forcefully knocks Socalo away from an attempted assault, the younger exorcist gesturing animatedly, and both their gazes flick up to observing Noah, all three of whom are staring at one another in clear distress. Another; a sturdy Noah leans down, as if over someone resting, sighing sympathetically, before their head snaps toward the distance, recoiling.  
  
The fourth, Tokusa's, obviously Tokusa's; Allen can see  _himself,_ can feel his head spinning, the way its unable to try and comprehend the situation. He looks bad. Very bad. Kanda and Alma are meeting in the middle, cautious distance from Allen's tortured form. Kanda makes a slow start to the boy, Alma stops the other, then looks with worry up toward the Noah. They're out of Tokusa's sight. Tokusa turns, and the framing shifts.  
  
Lvellie motions, agitated, Allen unable to hear on his own or through the others. One arm sweeps fiercely in Allen's direction, and the man's lips twist in a thoroughly unpleasant expression. (Allen feels - a spark of fear, feelings not his own.)   
  
Link is standing with Lvellie, listening, planted much the same as the blond was in the cave earlier.  
  
Allen is seeing through - his own eyes, Tokusa's, Tevak's, all of them focused uneasily on the same place, his body instinctively trying to right itself. He tries to speak the name, but instead tastes copper. An ungodly amount of blood tumbles past his lips without control. When he manages to force back the voice calling him to  _sleep simply sleep just rest_ , he sees his human arm is now completely grey. A flash of panic goes through Allen, struggling more distinctly against the yanking on his consciousness, and he tries to focus on Link again. He needs to ground himself to keep from fading away.  
  
The awful man is still talking, clearly issuing some sort of order. They lock gazes, a battle of wills, and Link breaks it as he looks to Allen, hopelessness written plainly.   
  
( _I must really look like shit,_ some part of Allen manages to piece together,  _for him to be that transparent._ )  
  
Link stares at him a moment. Allen feels it coming before anyone else, some little twitch of expression only he knows. Apprehension ripples through Tevak and Tokusa as they sense something. They all watch, visions almost perfectly synced, as Link's face slowly sets to something cold. Blank. The man reaches, and Allen hears the sudden  _disgust_ coming from the Thirds as they finally understand. Absolute rage. He feels his own heart break, lets their connection drop so he doesn't have to watch the seals being pulled out. His lungs hurt with the effort of breathing under the sheer weight of abandonment. They'll chain him like a circus creature (something he had  _genuinely been through before_ ) and torture him till he's lifeless at their feet. They'll study him, poke and prod him in hopes of finding a weakness to exploit on the rest of his kind.  
  
None of them want to help him. (No, there's not a soul who wants to help  _any_  of them, all the people changed here today.)  
  
His vision clarifies just in time to see a candle knock the seals straight out of Howard Link's sinning hands.  
  
Allen crumbles just as she gets to him, lying on his side, not even able to scream anymore. Her hands flit softly over his shoulders, cooing mournfully as she brushes his dirty hair back. He can't see her, just lets his eyes fall closed so it's one less sensation to combat.  
  
" _Enough_ ," Distantly, he recognizes it as the Earl's voice, though human now, rather than the cartoonish tone he was accustomed to. Allen's heart suddenly skips too many beats to count. But his focus is gone, barely aware of his own body anymore. "Enough," the voice is softer this time. Another set of hands appears, callouses against their heels, and Allen's head is being cradled protectively by the Noah of Wisdom. Road's hand brushes over his eyes. They flutter without opening, a different kind of heaviness settling into his limbs. He's - drifting, but as he feels himself float away, he can sense the tether they've given him.  
  
(He might cry, if he weren't already.)  
  
" _And Pilate saith unto them,_ " Road speaks, Latin slipping off her tongue like honey, leaning down so her breath cools his feverish skin.   
  
As she gives the faintest blessing kiss to his forehead, Tyki's voice continues in the same language, deeper and lower; " _Take ye him -_ "  
  
" -  _and crucify him,_ " Wisely picks it up as if this were rehearsed, the words nearly a purr. The Noah's hands lift in an outstretched, praying gesture, head tilted back up to the clear blue sky.  
  
The pebbles shift as a larger form lowers beside Road's. Careful, the man lifts one of Allen's hands, the breath of a kiss and a whispered reassurance gracing black knuckles, a Noah familiar with the arm of Innocence.   
  
" _For I find no fault in him,_ " The Earl finishes with the voice of a father as Allen's last shred of awareness fails.  
  
(He does faintly, as he feels the black magic of the Earl's Ark rise around all of them, hear a choked shout of his name off once-silent lips.)  
 

* * *

  
They lay him out as comfortably as they can, Wisely shifting onto the bed as well. He's gentle as he lifts that head of dirtied, sweaty, bloody white hair, resting it against his thigh for efficiency and care in equal turn. The Noah's eyes close a second, fingertips pressed just barely against the now-ashen forehead, his lips forming in nonsense words as he searches.  
  
"How bad is it?" The Earl asks, voice soft, hand protective atop Allen's. His eyes do not leave the boy's face longer than it takes to blink. Inside the Ark, their leader's more human form is a strange sight. Many of the remaining Noah gather away from them. Flickers of nervousness run through the crowd, sharing in each other's emotions. Road is alongside their leader. One hand pressed over Allen's heart, her other, the backs of her fingers against his cheek. Her gaze likewise does not flicker. It's clear to all gathered, the faint sense of Road's abilities being used.  
  
Wisely hums in initial response to the question. His eyes open halfway, lids heavy and irises nearly glowing. He shifts his hands, palms light over either of Allen's temples, and they breathe in brief sync. "Worse than I thought," his head cocks to the side, not unlike a feral cat considering prey. "It's not too late, though, just in time ... " Words trail off into a low sigh. The Noah's eyes close tightly now; dark matter curls briefly off his fingertips, seeming to absorb into Allen's head. His exhale is slow and steady. "The kid is stronger than expected." The deep murmur of his voice is only loud enough to reach a few of them.  
  
Silently questioning, the Earl and Road do glance up in surprise to him. But they settle back as they were. Tyki's gaze does remain on their newfound brother - narrowed and contemplative.  
  
"Road," their leader's voice is scratchy with emotion, especially as Allen lets out what is little more than a quiet cry. "Will it work?"  
  
Her hand presses a little harder into the exorcist-turning-Noah's chest. "It won't be easy," Road's other hand hovers over him as her eyes close, as if following a vein, "dear Allen is already weakened from that ordeal. I'm amazed he's even still  _willing_  to fight. And - " Grey, delicate skin attempts to set over the still-bleeding wound. She cuts off with a hiss of pain, one hand jerking away, lips curled back in a snarl. Her eyes fix hatefully onto the spot for a moment. "He's infected with Innocence, which isn't good for any Noah." In the background, the twin Noah flinch, each grabbing hold of the other's arm. "After getting this far in the transformation, there's no hope of suppressing the full Noah memory, or of turning back the clock." She gives a miserable shake of her head. Both hands fall to rest over Allen's heart. As Wisdom and Dreams both close their eyes again, something in Allen's breathing evens some, a shudder wracking the boy's body even as a tiny bit of burden lifts.

"There's nothing much we can do for his wound," Sheryl quietly addresses the Earl. Several gazes land, pitying, on the subject.  
  
But the Earl's hand simply tightens over Allen's. " _Neah,_ though," he presses, "will it  _work_?"  
  
The siblings open their eyes to share a quick glance. Road nods, Wisely tilts his head to speak to their leader. "Yes," it's quiet, but in the hush of the room, every ear can discern it. "We can separate  _Neah's_  memory from the  _Noah_ memory. Allen will remain Allen." He shifts a hand, pushes white curls back. The early indentations of stigmata are appearing. Already, they are suppressing the transformation, trying to prevent the boy's body from breaking under the sheer torment.   
  
Dark amber eyes slip closed, tension leaving and returning to the Earl over the course of a single second. "We must get to work," the request - or command - is between his words, and the other Noah nod, leaving the room.  
  
The Third Exorcists are all either slumped unconscious, or nearly so. Sheryl gives them rueful looks and whispers a command to sleep. His brother sighs as he allows Kanda and Alma to remain to either side of the door, taking up a guard position as well. The other Noah file off in varying groups. Murmuring to themselves and each other, casting concerned glances over shoulders.  
  
Inside, there is a muffled scream. Kanda reaches for a sword that isn't there. Bile seems to rise in Alma's throat. Tyki forcefully relaxes.  
  
It will be a long task.

**Author's Note:**

> the biblical quote came to me a little over halfway through section three, bc i heard it once and it routinely gets stuck in my head sometimes, bc it's got a cool flow or something? anyways. it took me a good twenty minutes to find the version i was looking for bc despite being a preacher's grandkid, i didn't have the slightest clue what the full thing was or the context for it.


End file.
